Napoleon Bonaparte and the Hummer H1 Alpha
Obviously being a man of great stature, I, Napoleon Bonaparte, need a vehicle that I can feel comfortable in. After a lot of searching I finally found the car I wanted on Carlocate.com. Only one vehicle would do, the Hummer H1 Alpha as all other cars were, well, just too small.
The H1 is the perfect vehicle for me; it’s rugged and durable and can drive on almost any terrain with 16-inches of ground clearance and 4WD. You need versatility in your vehicles when you’re driving through the mountains in Austria, the desert in Egypt, or the frozen tundra of Russia. Being able to tow over 10,000-lbs and carry an additional 3,000-lb payload is amazing. That’s food, ammo, cannons, and winter gear for my Grand Army as we deliver some payback to the Russians.
Sure it’s a bit of a fuel hog but with a massive 51.5 gallon fuel tank you can go for over 500 miles. The only scorched Earth policy the Russians will have is from the acid rain caused by the massive amounts of exhaust this baby emits as I ravage their country. Also a 6.5L turbo-diesel V8 engine that puts out 300-hp and 520 ft-lb of torque just allows you to plough through Cossacks and the British like a bull through a China shop. Also, do you think this monster is going to get cornered due to a bit of mud by the Duke of Wellington? I think not. Being English royalty, I’m assuming he drives a Rolls or a Bentley and my Hummer would just crush whatever that arrogant bugger is driving.
As a man who moved up through the Army Artillery Corps I like the high vantage point the H1 Alpha’s driver seat provides. It allows you to really command the road. The space in the back is great for stretching out in and pondering military tactics or civil law. It also works for carting around my various crowns for all of the titles I possess. Just last week I found out I had been made King of Italy again, who knew.
It has also come to my attention that people are saying I’m compensating for something by driving this monster vehicle, I say compensating for what? This is a no compromise vehicle any true man would love to drive. Now the only thing left to do is find a boat large enough to get my H1 Alpha off of St. Helena and past that British blockade.
Napoleon Bonaparte is most famously known for being Emperor of France. Following his coup d’état of the French government in 1799, he was appointed First Counsel and eventually became Emperor. Napoleon was known for his military genius especially with artillery and for modernizing warfare in the early 1800’s with many successful campaigns in Italy, Egypt, and Austria. Yet despite his military victories his defeats are more prominent, such as his defeat in Russia in 1812 in which reports estimate over 500,000 men were lost or his final defeat at Waterloo to the Duke of Wellington. Regardless of his military prowess, Napoleon was also known for the creation of Napoleonic Code, which was a system of law that focused around being accessible to the people and was instrumental in moving away from feudal based law systems. Lastly, Napoleon was known for being short, and the Napoleon Complex, (type of inferiority complex which affects people, especially men, who are short in stature) was named after him.
Check back in two weeks for our next installment of Past Figures, Present Rides and our interview with Sigmund Freud.
*Disclaimer: These interviews are for entertainment purposes only and are not based on the actual opinions of the interviewees.