Napoleon Bonaparte and the Hummer H1 Alpha

Obviously being a man of great stature, I, Napoleon Bonaparte, need a vehicle that I can feel comfortable in. After a lot of searching I finally found the car I wanted on Carlocate.com. Only one vehicle would do, the Hummer H1 Alpha as all other cars were, well, just too small.

The H1 is the perfect vehicle for me; it’s rugged and durable and can drive on almost any terrain with 16-inches of ground clearance and 4WD. You need versatility in your vehicles when you’re driving through the mountains in Austria, the desert in Egypt, or the frozen tundra of Russia. Being able to tow over 10,000-lbs and carry an additional 3,000-lb payload is amazing. That’s food, ammo, cannons, and winter gear for my Grand Army as we deliver some payback to the Russians.

Sure it’s a bit of a fuel hog but with a massive 51.5 gallon fuel tank you can go for over 500 miles. The only scorched Earth policy the Russians will have is from the acid rain caused by the massive amounts of exhaust this baby emits as I ravage their country. Also a 6.5L turbo-diesel V8 engine that puts out 300-hp and 520 ft-lb of torque just allows you to plough through Cossacks and the British like a bull through a China shop. Also, do you think this monster is going to get cornered due to a bit of mud by the Duke of Wellington? I think not. Being English royalty, I’m assuming he drives a Rolls or a Bentley and my Hummer would just crush whatever that arrogant bugger is driving.

As a man who moved up through the Army Artillery Corps I like the high vantage point the H1 Alpha’s driver seat provides. It allows you to really command the road. The space in the back is great for stretching out in and pondering military tactics or civil law. It also works for carting around my various crowns for all of the titles I possess. Just last week I found out I had been made King of Italy again, who knew.

It has also come to my attention that people are saying I’m compensating for something by driving this monster vehicle, I say compensating for what? This is a no compromise vehicle any true man would love to drive. Now the only thing left to do is find a boat large enough to get my H1 Alpha off of St. Helena and past that British blockade.

Background Information:

  Napoleon Bonaparte is most famously known for being Emperor of France. Following his coup d’état of the French government in 1799, he was appointed First Counsel and eventually became Emperor. Napoleon was known for his military genius especially with artillery and for modernizing warfare in the early 1800’s with many successful campaigns in Italy, Egypt, and Austria. Yet despite his military victories his defeats are more prominent, such as his defeat in Russia in 1812 in which reports estimate over 500,000 men were lost or his final defeat at Waterloo to the Duke of Wellington. Regardless of his military prowess, Napoleon was also known for the creation of Napoleonic Code, which was a system of law that focused around being accessible to the people and was instrumental in moving away from feudal based law systems. Lastly, Napoleon was known for being short, and the Napoleon Complex, (type of inferiority complex which affects people, especially men, who are short in stature) was named after him.

Check back in two weeks for our next installment of Past Figures, Present Rides and our interview with Sigmund Freud.

*Disclaimer: These interviews are for entertainment purposes only and are not based on the actual opinions of the interviewees.

As part of Chevrolet’s 100 Year Celebration, fans were asked to vote for their favorite Chevrolet vehicle from their 100-year history. During the four-round, elimination bracket Chevrolet placed classic Chevy models head to head and asked fans to vote. Nearly 125,000 fans voted and the  1969 Camaro was voted the “Best Chevy of All Time.”  The 1969 Camaro earned 25,058 of the almost 25,000 votes cast, beating out the 1970 Chevelle SS in the final round.

Tom Peters, Chevrolet Design direction, believes the 1969 Camaro is not only one of the best vehicles in Chevrolet’s history but one of the best vehicles ever. “Today, the ’69 Camaro has become one of the best examples of timeless design in the industry,” said Peters.  “Like the very best designs, the Camaro is much more than just a machine because it evokes powerful emotions in people of all ages.”

To view the full bracket results and see which vehicles were chosen as the initial Chevrolet classics check out Chevrolet’s Centennial page.   

A recent article by Forbes points out that while buying new has its advantages, buying used ultimately will get you the better deal – even though used car prices have jumped more than 4% in the last year.

The biggest reason you’ll get a better deal buying a used car compared to a new car is the depreciation.  A new car can lose up to 50% of its resale value within just three years of ownership.  This means that a three year old car could cost at least half the cost of an average new one. With a used car the depreciation rate is much, much slower.

When buying a used car make sure to have a trusted mechanic check the vehicle out before signing any papers. You may also want to run its VIN through a title-search service, like Auto Check to make sure the vehicle hasn’t been previously wrecked or flood-damaged.

This top 10 list (in no particular order) of used cars is currently the industry’s best used cars, based mostly on results from the latest J.D. Power and Associates U.S. Vehicle Dependability Study of three-year-old models.

- Honda Fit – performs well, gets great fuel economy and is reliable

- Scion xB – delivers athletic handling abilities, powered by a 158-hp 2.4-Liter four-cylinder engine

- Ford Fusion – agreeable performance, comfort, and utility

- Ford Edge – five-passenger crossover offers a quiet and comfortable interior, V6 engine

- Honda CR-V – great fuel economy for its class, 2.4-Liter engine with 166-hp, and impressive safety features

- Lexus RX350 – best-seller in Lexus’ lineup and most popular luxury SUV in the industry

- Toyota Sienna – 3.5-Liter, 266-hp engine, offers all-wheel drive, and available seven- or eight-passenger seating

- Mazda MX-5 Miata – peppy, nimble, best sports car value among new or used vehicles

- Mercedes-Benz SLK-Class – performs well, comfortable interior, contemporary look

- Chevrolet Tahoe – top pick for a large and powerful vehicle for hauling and towing

With the exception of the Mercedes-Benz SLK-Class these vehicles are all available brand new, but for each of them there have been no major changes since the 2008 model from three years ago.