General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson and the Jeep Patriot
This week Carlocate.com has managed to track down the legendary General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson, here is the transcript as it occurred.
Carlocate.com – Stonewall, first of all we would like to thank you for opening up with us about the car you chose, we know that you are normally a very secretive man.
Stonewall –Not a problem. For a worthy car like the Jeep Patriot, I don’t mind sharing a little bit.
Carlocate.com –You are said to be systematic in regards to your war strategies, what systematic approach did you use to select the Patriot?
Stonewall – My approach for selecting a car was based on the following questions:
- What car will get me through all the traverse terrain I travel?
- What car is dependable in all weather? I stop at nothing to get the job done.
- What car has the comfort and style I need to get people to stop accusing me of being sloppy and unkempt?
- What car has good gas mileage? I travel a lot and hate paying a lot at the pump!
- I used my trusty horse “Little Sorrel” for my entire military career, what car will be just as dependable as he was?
Carlocate.com – Ok, that sounds like a pretty good system you have in place. Research also reveals that you are a bit of a hypochondriac; do you have any worries about the Jeep Patriot?
Stonewall - Those rumors are false! If you had a one arm that was slightly longer than the other, you would constantly obsess over it too! With that being said, I am also able to rest easy knowing that the Patriot won the IIHS Top Safety award for its class so once again nothing to worry about.
Carlocate.com – That’s a good point, I guess that award can help you to sleep easy at night. However, it’s well known that you are fond of lemons, how do we know that you would not choose a car that is a lemon?
Stonewall – Lemons are for eating, NOT for driving!
Carlocate.com – Well said. So the Jeep Patriot met all the criteria you wanted and you’re not worried at all?
Stonewall –That’s right! The Jeep Patriot met my criteria and more. The Patriot is durable, hard-working, enduring, and can navigate any terrain! I can’t wait to take this car back and show it off to my buddy Robert E. Lee. The only thing I’m worried about now is my uneven arms….
Carlocate.com – So will Robert E. Lee be the first guest to go for a ride in the Patriot?
Stonewall - Seriously, I mean look at my arms isn’t the right one a little shorter than the left?
Carlocate.com – Umm yeah sure……What about the question?
Stonewall – I knew it! I knew my arms were uneven! Anyways, of course my pal Robby will be the first guest to ride in the car. He will be impressed with the all-around power and versatility provided by the car. Also, I will be able to show him that I can clean up pretty well.
Carlocate.com – Sounds like a fun drive. Tell General Lee we said hello and maybe we will be able to sit down with him for an interview in the future. Well thanks for the interview Stonewall and to all our readers check back in two weeks for another installment of “Past Figures, Present Rides”.
Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson was a Confederate general during the American Civil War. He was one of the best-known confederate commanders and good friends with legendary general Robert E. Lee. He led his troops with a systematic approach, and was even asked to teach classes on military strategy and tactics at the Virginia Military Institute prior to the American Civil War. He earned the nickname “Stonewall” at the first battle of Bull Run, where he had his troops stand still like a “stone wall” even as confederate lines began to crumble. Aside from military battles, Stonewall battled severe hypochondria with an obsession about his uneven arms and is said to have loved to eat lemons including the rind. Stonewall died of complications of pneumonia after being wounded in battle.
*Disclaimer: These interviews are for entertainment purposes only and are not based on the actual opinions of the interviewees.